So, it's been a full year since I've written anything. I'd apologize for it but let's face it, I don't really care. It's not like I've really had anything to write about. I mean, my baseball team sucked, as was expected, and I've spent significantly less time in a bikini than I'd like. Also, I have a habit of venting on Twitter instead of on here. Oops.
A couple months ago I decided that I needed to make a change in my life. It hit me that at some point between graduating high school __ years ago and now, I've become a completely different person. I don't hate the person I've become but I don't want to completely lose the person that I was and I feel as if I'm close to losing that part of myself.
I used to be this happy, bubbly girl. At some point that bubbly personality has turned into a sarcastic, sassy, "I don't give a fuck" bitch. I don't hate that at all. In fact, I love it. I love that I don't hesitate to call someone out for bullshit and that I don't back down when someone comes at me. You want to start shit with me, let's go. I'm not going to sit there and let you belittle or berate me. However, I do miss the part of me that was happy more than angry, sad or feeling nothing at all. I don't know where she went or what caused her to leave. I mean the world going to hell in a hand-basket is probably what caused her to leave, in part, but that has killed a lot of peoples happiness. It may also have been caused by the medication I have taken over the years for anxiety and nearly daily headaches.
I'm determined to find that bubbly personality again and while I'm searching for it, I'm going to try to be more positive and not let things piss me off so easily. The latter has been a STRUGGLE lately. So much so that I had to take a Twitter break because the tiniest things would put me in such a shit mood. I don't know if I was already irritable or what but I was having none of it when people would sass me. Ironic, huh? I'm fully aware that I'm the one usually giving out the sass and "couldn't handle it" when it was given back to me lately. Except usually I don't care if you sass me because I'll do it right back. It wouldn't have been as big of a deal as it was had it not been from people who should know me well enough by now to know when not to push my buttons. Also, these same people would never have the balls to do that to my face which just made it even worse.
Anyway, I need to focus on me and what I can do to make myself a better version of me. It's difficult to be more positive when the people you're around regularly are one extreme to the next. Either they're WAY TOO perky or WAY TOO bah humbug. I need a middle ground. I need to stop letting the world crush my soul and find my inner hippie. A little more peace and love and a little less I hate everyone. In my defense, people are proving to be more and more terrible as the years go by but still. We all need to find our inner hippie. Hopefully, I can find mine and get that middle ground I'm looking for.
